Wednesday, October 12, 2005
UFC 55 REVIEW
By Andrew Bryant
Andrei Arlovski (pictured) was the fighter who caught my queer eye the most on tonight's card.
Hi all! I've been given the job of providing a review of the UFC 55: 'Fury' card for Fightsport.com.
I also write the reviews for the homoerotic 'The Ultimate Fighter' reality show, and I'm writing the UFC 55 review because it features several TUF veterans
Enough ranting! Here's my review:
The UFC pre-show started at 6:30 P.M., covering the main fights of the night, but I fail to see what the point of having a pre-show is if they just show the same ten mintues of footage again and again. Have some different interviews, show the fighters oiling up and preparing for the fights, something.
The Pay-Per View starts off with the ever present "Gladiator" opening. Glad to know that they still have the "Our Lady of Wailing Sorrow" music to start us off. Gotta love those Romans, LOL.
Alessio Sakara defeats Ron Faircloth by DQ, RD 2.
ROUND 1: Sakura dominates pretty much the entire round like a man against a boy.
ROUND 2: Sakura starts to dominate again when Faircloth lands an errant kick to the groin. Sakura is down and isn't able to continue the match. I don't have very big testicles and yet I'm hurting in sympathetic anyway.
Jorge Rivera defeats Dennis Hallman by unanimous decision.
ROUND 1,2 &3: Seeing as the entire fight was the same, there's not much point in breaking it down round-by-round. Rivera dominated the match like a man, and Hallman took it like a bitch, with the exception of a few comebacks here and there. Not surprisingly, the judges call the match unanimously in favor of the hard and ripped Latin warrior Rivera.
Joe Riggs defeats Chris Lytle by TKO at 2:00, RD 2.
Riggs used to fight at 300 pounds? Good grief, I can't even imagine that.
ROUND 1: The match starts out with a lot of stand up grappling after Riggs misses a high kick. Lytle takes it to the ground, Riggs almost gets a leg lock and takes control of the match. Riggs throws several impressive fists from a standing position.
ROUND 2: Lytle's eye is looking rather poofy at the beginning. Riggs takes him down but Lytle soon regains the dominant position. Riggs manages to land a great elbow from the missionary position, and the Ref calls for a time out to check the bleeding. Match is then stopped due do to the bleeding.
Is there a particular reason that Riggs feels the need to show off his tummy tattoo while being announced the winner?
Renato 'Babalu' Sobral defeats Chael Sonnen by tiangle choke at 1:20, RD 2.
Renato certainly seemed to be having fun swinging his towel during his entrance. And wow, what a sweet hairstyle he has. It may possibly be a weapon all on its own, LOL.
ROUND 1: Sobral takes down Sonnen early, but they're soon back up grappling in a standing position. They go back down with Sonnen on top this time and trade more blows. Sobral gets an ankle lock sunk in during the closing seconds of the round but can't get the submission. And let me tell you, it looked painful. Legs just don't bend that way.
ROUND 2: Sobral and Sonnen trade places on the ground and Sobral sinks in an arm triangle to win by submission.
I must say that Sobral has some nice arm tatoos, but the nickname "Babalu" cancels out any hottness that may come with the tatts.
Rogan then interviewed all four guys in the welterweight and middleweight title fights that will be on the next PPV. Everyone is all nice and respectful, although Parisian does point out that he thinks that Hughes has some holes in his game.
Forrest Griffin defeats Elvis Sinosic by TKO at 3:30, RD 1.
Elvis gets points for the great accent and coming out to the Elvis vs. JXL remix of "Little Less Conversation", but Forrest is just so fucking awesome that I'm having trouble deciding who to root for. I guess I'll be happy with whoever wins, but I'll also feel really bad for whoever loses.
ROUND 1: Lots of stand up and trading blows to start off. Sinosic seems to be landing a few more shots, but Griffin seems largely unphased by it. Griffin fights back and lands two nice hooks to win by TKO.
I must say that this fight seemed to be stopped early, but it did look like Forrest was about to jump in between the stunned Elvis's legs and finish him off for the victory. I hate seeing Elvis lose but he'll be back.
Brandon Lee Hinkle defeats Sean Gannon by TKO at 4:14, RD 1.
I've never seen Gannon fight and already I'm not a fan. He's worried about not having a job after this? I'm fine with a cop fighting in the UFC, it's the underground fight with Kimbo Slice that should have cost him his job.
Does he think it's a good promotional thing for the Boston police department to have a cop competing in ILLEGAL underground fights? I've seen the pictures, but I still refuse to watch the video of his underground fight.
Hinkle checks his hair in the camera while Gannon just has a "I'm sooo fired for this" look on his face, LOL.
ROUND 1: Hinkle gets a leg takedown after it becomes apparent that he's not going to be able to just knock Gannon over. After seriously dominating the fight and landing some nasty blows to Gannon's face, the ref calls the match for Hinkle. Gannon's face is a bloody mess. His career as a Boston cop might be next.
Andrei Arlovski defeats Paul Buentello by KO at 0:15, RD 1.
Helllooo Andre, looking excessivly good tonight. Down girl, down! LOL.
ROUND 1: Fight starts off with both guys swinging and ends in about 15 seconds after Andrei knocks out Buentello, LOL.
Holy shit that was fast, I didnt even realize that Buentello was knocked out, LOL. Great job as usual for Big John McCarthy, who noticed it right away.
Andrei tears up after the fight and does a fairly good job during the interview, with the help of an interpreter. Thats it, he knocks out Beuntello in 15 seconds, looks great doing it, and now hes being all vunerable. I'm done. Marry me. If it was physically possible, I would bear your children, Andrei.
Final thoughts: I thought it was a good show, but I'm sure glad I'm not the person in charge of putting it together, cause man, must that crowd have been cranky after the most insanely short main event. It climaxed so fast that it must've seriously pissed off the people who were watching the fight live.
As for Andrei Arlovski, I have one final message for him, and I think the rest of the homosexual community probably feels the same way:
Andrei, how do I lust thee, let me count the ways.....
Andrew Bryant lives, works, and trains in Pheonix, Arizona.
Andrei Arlovski (pictured) was the fighter who caught my queer eye the most on tonight's card.
Hi all! I've been given the job of providing a review of the UFC 55: 'Fury' card for Fightsport.com.
I also write the reviews for the homoerotic 'The Ultimate Fighter' reality show, and I'm writing the UFC 55 review because it features several TUF veterans
Enough ranting! Here's my review:
The UFC pre-show started at 6:30 P.M., covering the main fights of the night, but I fail to see what the point of having a pre-show is if they just show the same ten mintues of footage again and again. Have some different interviews, show the fighters oiling up and preparing for the fights, something.
The Pay-Per View starts off with the ever present "Gladiator" opening. Glad to know that they still have the "Our Lady of Wailing Sorrow" music to start us off. Gotta love those Romans, LOL.
Alessio Sakara defeats Ron Faircloth by DQ, RD 2.
ROUND 1: Sakura dominates pretty much the entire round like a man against a boy.
ROUND 2: Sakura starts to dominate again when Faircloth lands an errant kick to the groin. Sakura is down and isn't able to continue the match. I don't have very big testicles and yet I'm hurting in sympathetic anyway.
Jorge Rivera defeats Dennis Hallman by unanimous decision.
ROUND 1,2 &3: Seeing as the entire fight was the same, there's not much point in breaking it down round-by-round. Rivera dominated the match like a man, and Hallman took it like a bitch, with the exception of a few comebacks here and there. Not surprisingly, the judges call the match unanimously in favor of the hard and ripped Latin warrior Rivera.
Joe Riggs defeats Chris Lytle by TKO at 2:00, RD 2.
Riggs used to fight at 300 pounds? Good grief, I can't even imagine that.
ROUND 1: The match starts out with a lot of stand up grappling after Riggs misses a high kick. Lytle takes it to the ground, Riggs almost gets a leg lock and takes control of the match. Riggs throws several impressive fists from a standing position.
ROUND 2: Lytle's eye is looking rather poofy at the beginning. Riggs takes him down but Lytle soon regains the dominant position. Riggs manages to land a great elbow from the missionary position, and the Ref calls for a time out to check the bleeding. Match is then stopped due do to the bleeding.
Is there a particular reason that Riggs feels the need to show off his tummy tattoo while being announced the winner?
Renato 'Babalu' Sobral defeats Chael Sonnen by tiangle choke at 1:20, RD 2.
Renato certainly seemed to be having fun swinging his towel during his entrance. And wow, what a sweet hairstyle he has. It may possibly be a weapon all on its own, LOL.
ROUND 1: Sobral takes down Sonnen early, but they're soon back up grappling in a standing position. They go back down with Sonnen on top this time and trade more blows. Sobral gets an ankle lock sunk in during the closing seconds of the round but can't get the submission. And let me tell you, it looked painful. Legs just don't bend that way.
ROUND 2: Sobral and Sonnen trade places on the ground and Sobral sinks in an arm triangle to win by submission.
I must say that Sobral has some nice arm tatoos, but the nickname "Babalu" cancels out any hottness that may come with the tatts.
Rogan then interviewed all four guys in the welterweight and middleweight title fights that will be on the next PPV. Everyone is all nice and respectful, although Parisian does point out that he thinks that Hughes has some holes in his game.
Forrest Griffin defeats Elvis Sinosic by TKO at 3:30, RD 1.
Elvis gets points for the great accent and coming out to the Elvis vs. JXL remix of "Little Less Conversation", but Forrest is just so fucking awesome that I'm having trouble deciding who to root for. I guess I'll be happy with whoever wins, but I'll also feel really bad for whoever loses.
ROUND 1: Lots of stand up and trading blows to start off. Sinosic seems to be landing a few more shots, but Griffin seems largely unphased by it. Griffin fights back and lands two nice hooks to win by TKO.
I must say that this fight seemed to be stopped early, but it did look like Forrest was about to jump in between the stunned Elvis's legs and finish him off for the victory. I hate seeing Elvis lose but he'll be back.
Brandon Lee Hinkle defeats Sean Gannon by TKO at 4:14, RD 1.
I've never seen Gannon fight and already I'm not a fan. He's worried about not having a job after this? I'm fine with a cop fighting in the UFC, it's the underground fight with Kimbo Slice that should have cost him his job.
Does he think it's a good promotional thing for the Boston police department to have a cop competing in ILLEGAL underground fights? I've seen the pictures, but I still refuse to watch the video of his underground fight.
Hinkle checks his hair in the camera while Gannon just has a "I'm sooo fired for this" look on his face, LOL.
ROUND 1: Hinkle gets a leg takedown after it becomes apparent that he's not going to be able to just knock Gannon over. After seriously dominating the fight and landing some nasty blows to Gannon's face, the ref calls the match for Hinkle. Gannon's face is a bloody mess. His career as a Boston cop might be next.
Andrei Arlovski defeats Paul Buentello by KO at 0:15, RD 1.
Helllooo Andre, looking excessivly good tonight. Down girl, down! LOL.
ROUND 1: Fight starts off with both guys swinging and ends in about 15 seconds after Andrei knocks out Buentello, LOL.
Holy shit that was fast, I didnt even realize that Buentello was knocked out, LOL. Great job as usual for Big John McCarthy, who noticed it right away.
Andrei tears up after the fight and does a fairly good job during the interview, with the help of an interpreter. Thats it, he knocks out Beuntello in 15 seconds, looks great doing it, and now hes being all vunerable. I'm done. Marry me. If it was physically possible, I would bear your children, Andrei.
Final thoughts: I thought it was a good show, but I'm sure glad I'm not the person in charge of putting it together, cause man, must that crowd have been cranky after the most insanely short main event. It climaxed so fast that it must've seriously pissed off the people who were watching the fight live.
As for Andrei Arlovski, I have one final message for him, and I think the rest of the homosexual community probably feels the same way:
Andrei, how do I lust thee, let me count the ways.....
Andrew Bryant lives, works, and trains in Pheonix, Arizona.
# posted by Andrew Bryant @ 8:24 PM 
